We are hardwired for connection to others.

I believe that what we learned about connection and relationships at a young age (developmentally) is currently informing how we relate to others today.

In intimate partner relationships, based on attachment styles but also the totality of the people we are (personality, humor, what we prioritize, ways to relate, etc.) we can sort of see what is happening in the partnership through the lens of all of the above. I like to say that conflict, lack of communication or stale patterns definitely involve the other person/people and sometimes they have nothing to do with the other at all; they are simply manifestations of our old wounds or unmet needs. We can explore this in couples’ therapy in a safe way.

My approach to therapy is deeply informed by attachment and Emotionally Focused Couples therapy, incorporating other theoretical practices. We start together, I spend some time with each individual to understand more about their own history, then we come back together again to highlight what stands out, and where connection and communication can either get back online or start to begin with.

I challenge my clients in a warm and safe way to consider other ways of thinking (a crucial step!) and I will spend a lot of time validating your feelings as well. This is also a very important part of the process and establishes safety.

You can absolutely have the relationship you desire (including no relationship) and be the person you want to be in it.